Thriller Idea 1, feedback and my response

Idea 1( The beach invasion) The whole film: Group of professional men who are planning to take over a small town and all is going to plan until this “good” nosey citizen works out what is going on. He will do everything in his power to stop it and find out who’s behind it.  He will stop at nothing and let nobody get in his way, but does he go to far and end up hurting those he was trying to protect.

Idea 1: opening scene: Set on West Wittering beach (ideally a foggy/wintery/gloomy day) A man runs down to the beach, he is being chased by serious looking men who know what they are doing, each carrying a gun over their shoulder at first they don’t shout they just run and try to catch him however very soon this all escalates into the men shouting/screaming at this man who is trying to run away. At the bottom of the beach there is a rib or ( a truck/defender something big which is waiting to pick him up and escape. Eventually he manages to jump into the rib/car and they dramatically drive away. Whilst a few seconds behind the group of men in suits come running after them. They stop just before the water front so the sea touches there shoes and one of the three men aims their gun and the camera zooms in on the target through the gun and down towards the man about to pull the trigger then blacks out as he pulls the trigger signifying the end of the opening scene.

Idea 1 feedback: Having pitched my first idea I got some useful feedback from my class and listened to a lot of points of view.

Positives:

 To begin with they commented on how it was good as it matched the genre of being a thriller as it is action packed and very tense whilst the audience are kept on the edge of their seats, with a chase, guns and guys in suits showing they are professional adding an even bigger climax. They liked the description in my pitch and said “they could clearly visualise the scene themselves” as well as the fact I had thought about shot by shot and what was going on particularly the last shot when the scene cuts out after the close up on the trigger being pulled.

Constructive Criticism:

The biggest concern they pointed out to me was that my location was good and different being ‘West Wittering beach’ however it is very hard to control the weather, tide and the boat so realistically in the filming stages this could be tricky. Secondly there is a lot going on and maybe too much, sometimes less is more.

 My response to the feedback for my first thriller idea:
 Idea 1 - Beach invasion.

I would change my idea slightly by tweaking it to make it better and more realistic to film. To begin with I would change the man from running onto the beach for a long time being chased to keeping him running for only a very short time then leaping into the rib maybe meeting an ally to add more tension. Making the most of the beach as a setting I would focus more on the boat and the action around that. I am not yet sure weather the boat is just to unrealistic and would be to complicated with weather and tides therefore I might have to consider changing it to a truck or defender as its so much easier to control on the day of filming. I would keep the ending as I got positive feedback from the idea of ending the opening scene with a close up of the man pulling the trigger for it to then black out and end the scene.